he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
