Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
