I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
