Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
