I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
