RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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