I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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