We're facebook friends in real life
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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