If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
