Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
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