Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I need a beard to bite.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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