whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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