Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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