hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
