How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
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