Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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