don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
