We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
