Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
