she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize