Please, let me fuck your mom
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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