i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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