So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize