you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I need a beard to bite.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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