He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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