Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
