neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
