I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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