every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
