booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
