dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize