New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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