Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
