WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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