Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
