I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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