The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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