I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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