she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
