i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
