Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
