Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize