Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
