Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
