College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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