I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
