i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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