Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
she smelled like a LAN party
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize