Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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