tell your sister to shave her snatch
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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