The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
