barbara walters just said penis...
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
