I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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