I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
