You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize