Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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