I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
