You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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