the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
