Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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