We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
