Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize