You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
