I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
