do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
