Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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