hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize