I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
