You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
