I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
