I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
