oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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