I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
