are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
