How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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